I want to talk about why I am feeling lost, like a girl in the woods with her back to the light and no path in sight.

My writing has always been unapologetically me. Despite the topic of conversation, FromBrownEyes has always been authentic. And because of that authenticity, many times it has been scary. I have talked candidly about ethnic shaming, my relationship ending , and missed opportunities to name a few. And it has taken a lot of bravery.

But the honesty in my posts is what allows me to grow, accepting my failures, my past, and my self.

But I haven’t felt like myself. Which is a shame, because I love who I am.

In recent months, I have found myself too often closing my eyes, shake my head, and ask myself, “Why am I acting this way? Why am I doing this? Why is this happening?”

I have shocked myself by making a comment that came from a place of absolutely no patience. I have thought about applying for jobs that don’t interest me and won’t further my goals. I have let, even asked, others to make key decisions for me. I have not been consistent with my core values, like loyalty and respect.

I feel scattered, convoluted, and lost.

And I think it is because I haven’t been writing. I only write about the things that matter to me, the things I love. So when I don’t write, I find that I lose sight of what is important to me.

Am I too busy for my own good? Am I again trying to be all things to all people without being all things to myself first?

A year ago, I felt like me. Right now, I’m not too sure. Where did that girl go? Alone in the woods, jumping with joy, a clear path before her.

I want her back, so it is time for a personal reset. I am going to take today for myself. To write and work, think and reflect, feel and heal. To be all things to me first, at least for today.

-TM

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